the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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