I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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