There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
