I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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