Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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