i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
