i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
