I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
