Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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