It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
