Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
