DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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