Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize