If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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