a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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