I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
