He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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