Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
