i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
