We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
