I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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