I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Randomize
