I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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