please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
