Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
