I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
