he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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