dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
