After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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