i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
