He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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