I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
