It's like a parade of train wrecks.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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