shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
