Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
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