Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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