just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
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