is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
