...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
