Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
