at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
