I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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