I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize