O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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