just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
