never play flip cup with pint glasses
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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