Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
honey bunches of taint.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
