It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize