Soap is not a condiment
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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