I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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