DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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